I'm sitting here at 10:30pm writing this because I cannot find sleep in my consciousness. My life is before me and I seem to not be able to do anything to get myself forward. I just get motivated, and then suddenly I get hit with this wave of whispering consciousness, that's telling me I'm stupid, that I can't do anything, that I'm worthless.
But I know this is far from truth. I know that God has greater plans for me, and I know that he loves me more than I could ever comprehend. I love him so so much. He uses me as a tool in so many of my friends lives, and it's been so amazing to see them grow in faith with him, as they walk the road with him.
But here I am, stuck, and my feet are stuck to the ground, I'm to nervous about my future that I can't do anything about it. It's sad butt true, I'm week in the area of integrity. But in me I know one thing I love. Is preaching God's name, telling people the truth, and showing compassion where other's wouldn't. I love to represent forgiveness as a whole. I love who I am.
Is that my problem? Do I love who I am so much that I'm to scared to move forward in my life? That might be the case. but one thing I need to remind myself, is that I have a spiritual gift. And I know God will utilize that, for his greater glory. And I'm very happy to oblige.
I've come to the conclusion that the only thing holding me back is doubt. Because I want to go into pastoral studies, but the thing holding me back is not any part of me. It's just the demons inside of my soul telling me that I'm worthless. Why would they do that? Because I know that I have the capability to reach out my long, clumsy arms, and touch so many people's lives. That is why the devil would be working against me. It explains a lot.
I'm only wrote this for my own sanity. I just needed to clear my mind. I do apologize about this.
My name is Jonathan, and I belong to him.
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